Sixteen years ago I hit a crisis in my life. I experienced a loss that sent me into a deep depression. Never before in my entire life had I felt so bad. In many ways it was a good thing because I realized that it was not something exterior to my life that had merely happened to me; it was something I did to cause it. The problem: I didn’t know what. I knew there was something wrong with me psychologically. The only thing I knew for sure was that I had a pattern in my life—that I was the common denominator—where I was attracting the problem to me. And, I was determined to find out what it was because I never wanted to feel that bad again. With that in mind, I started doing inner work (which is a process of self-inquiry to uncover limiting beliefs and fears). I recognized that I needed to learn more about myself, so I set out on an intentional journey of self-discovery.
I believe a journey of self-discovery is a type of hero’s journey. I’m sure many of you are familiar with the concept of the hero’s journey, a frequently used plot device in novels and movies (think of Luke Skywalker in the original Star Wars movie). In brief, an individual (the hero) reluctantly goes on an unexpected journey that promises adventure and peril. He is faced with many trials that test his skills, strength, and most of all, his character. The story climaxes with him struggling to overcome a crisis, and when he prevails he discovers his authentic self and his true purpose in life. He then returns home changed for the better.
We’re All on a Hero’s Journey
I believe all of us are called to go on a hero’s journey of self-discovery to identify our authentic self and true purpose in life, but we hesitate to do so until the pressure becomes so great that we can no longer refuse or delay. It’s like the old saying that a person has to hit bottom before he or she can rise up.
Hitting a crisis—typically some sort of loss—is what propels us (like the hero beginning his or her journey) to do the inner work of self-discovery. That means peeling away our personas and limiting beliefs to reveal our authentic selves.
Living authentically—being true to yourself—means all your actions are guided by truth. It means exposing and overcoming your limiting beliefs such as: “I’m not good enough;” “I’ll fail if it’s not perfect;” “I’m not smart enough;” or “I don’t deserve wealth, love, etc.” It means shedding personas that you’ve created to protect yourself from fears such as rejection, abandonment, or criticism. Once you’ve found your true self, you no longer have to pretend to be something other than yourself in order to blend in with a particular group or clique. Best of all, being true to yourself empowers you to find your purpose in life.
Having a purpose in life means you are pursuing a long-term goal you’re passionate about, which requires you to use your natural talents, brings you great joy, and maybe even leaves a positive mark on the world. Having a purpose is important because research has shown that people with a purpose are healthier, wealthier, and live longer than the average person.
A Hero’s Journey Evokes Courage
One of the most important aspects of a hero’s journey is the acquisition of courage. Hitting bottom means you have to muster the courage to face your fears and do something about them. Finding courage is extraordinarily liberating. Moving forward with courage is the breakthrough moment when we stop fearing change and embrace it. Psychiatrist David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D., who, in his book Power vs. Force, created an index of emotions on a rising scale of states of consciousness, stated that courage is the midpoint between the negative and positive emotions. Achieving courage in any part of your life (job, relationships, hobbies, etc.) empowers you to find it in other areas as well.
My journey entailed reading many books and articles, journaling, meditating, reciting affirmations, and even some therapy (which I wrote about in my post “Confessions of a Narcissist Magnet”). Once I uncovered my problem I was able to work on it. But that wasn’t the end of my journey.
Having opened the door to self-discovery, I couldn’t help but continue down the path of seeking more answers because I had only just scratched the surface. I had abandonment fears which didn’t make any sense to me. And then I discovered I wasn’t related to my father (as I described in a previous post), which introduced a new crisis to overcome but ended up explaining a lot about my abandonment fears.
A Hero’s Journey Can Take Many Forms
As we go through life we can embark on many different hero’s journeys, such as finding a life partner; establishing a career; or becoming an entrepreneur with a creative new idea. How can you find your hero’s journey? Where do you begin? Start with what scares you the most then meditate on it and journal about it.
